A Conversation
Maybe the person is welcome, but the conversation needs to wait.
A Sassiverse Book
Boundaries & Fences
You get to decide how much space you need.
Chapter 2
How Much Space Do I Need?
You met the fences. Now comes a very interesting question.
Which one fits?
Maybe you already know.
Maybe you need to wander around your landscape for a while and find out.
Take a Look Around
Walk the Fence Line
Imagine yourself standing in your landscape.
Somewhere nearby is the Rock.
You do not have to pick it up.
You do not have to solve it.
You are simply looking around.
Try imagining a small garden fence around you.
What do you notice?
Now imagine the fence farther away.
Taller.
More private.
Maybe much farther away.
Is there an amount of space that makes your shoulders drop just a little?
Get Curious
Your Fence Can Begin With Questions
You do not need a formula.
You can simply notice what your answers tell you.
Do I want to talk about this right now?
Would a little time help?
Do I want this person nearby, just not this conversation?
Do I want more distance?
Do I feel like I can still hear my own thoughts?
Is there something I need before I decide what comes next?
What would make this feel a little more manageable?
The questions do not choose the fence. They help you hear yourself.
Look a Little Closer
What Are You Asking for Space From?
Sometimes this question changes the whole landscape.
The fence may not be around a person at all.
A Decision
Maybe you need more time before choosing anything.
Noise
Maybe there are simply too many voices, requests, questions, or things happening.
Something You Are Carrying
Maybe you have been carrying something that you need to set down for a while.
A Person
Maybe you really do need more distance from someone.
I Don't Know Yet
That is information too.
You can give yourself space while you figure it out.
An Interesting Discovery
Your Fence Might Only Be Around One Part of the Landscape
Imagine someone you care about standing nearby.
You still want to laugh with them.
Eat dinner with them.
Walk the dog with them.
But there is one conversation you are not ready to have.
Maybe the fence does not need to surround the whole relationship.
Maybe it only needs to surround that conversation.
“I still want to spend time with you. I'm not ready to talk about that yet.”
A fence can have a very specific job.
A Little Experiment
Try the Fence On in Your Imagination
You do not have to announce anything yet.
You can experiment first.
Imagine saying:
“Not right now.”
What do you notice?
Now try:
“I need the rest of the day.”
Or:
“I don't know when I'll be ready. I'll let you know.”
Or perhaps:
“I don't want to do that.”
Does one of those give you more room to remain yourself?
Shared Language
Someone Can Help You Wonder
Sometimes another person notices that you are having trouble finding your words.
They do not have to decide what you need.
They can wonder with you.
A parent might ask:
“Do you need a little fence or a really big fence right now?”
A friend might ask:
“Do you want me nearby, or would you rather have some space?”
Someone might simply ask:
“What would help right now?”
And you are allowed to answer:
“I don't know yet.”
Someone can help you find the questions. The answer still belongs to you.
Check the Landscape Again
The Same Rock May Need a Different Fence Later
At 2:00, you may need a moat with crocodiles.
At 7:00, you may notice that a garden fence feels right.
Or at 7:00, the crocodiles may still be swimming happily.
Good crocodiles. 🐊
Tomorrow may bring new information.
Next month may bring new information.
Or nothing may happen that makes you want to change the fence at all.
You can check the landscape again without promising to change it.
One Important Thing
The Fences Are Not a Ladder
You are not trying to graduate from Brick Wall to Privacy Fence to Garden Fence.
There is no prize for choosing the smallest fence.
There is no failure in needing more space.
And there is no requirement that every fence eventually disappear.
The question is not: “Which fence should I be able to handle?”
The question is: “What amount of space fits me right now?”
Chapter 2 Trail Marker
You Don't Have to Know Immediately
You can walk the fence line.
Try different words.
Notice what gives you room to think.
Notice what lets you hear yourself again.
Ask for help finding questions if you need it.
And leave yourself room to discover something you did not know before.
What amount of space would help me remain myself right now?
Measure in feet, miles, garden fences, or crocodiles. Whatever works.
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