I See It
I notice that something is happening.
A Sassiverse Book
Boundaries & Fences
You get to decide how much space you need.
Chapter 3
What Belongs on My Side?
Once a fence gives you a little room, the landscape may become easier to see.
And you may begin noticing that not everything in the landscape belongs in your backpack.
Start Close to Home
Look at What Is on Your Side of the Fence
Your side may hold your feelings.
Your words.
Your choices.
Your needs.
Your behavior.
Your values.
Things you want to repair.
Things you want to try differently next time.
These are things you may be able to work with, because they belong in your landscape.
Across the Fence
Some Things Belong to Someone Else
Another person may have their own feelings.
Their own choices.
Their own reactions.
Their own interpretation of what happened.
Their own needs.
Their own boundaries.
Their own story about you.
You may care deeply about all of those things.
Caring does not automatically make them yours to control, fix, or carry.
I can care about what is on your side without pretending it belongs on mine.
Rocks Can Be Tricky
Seeing a Rock Does Not Automatically Make It Yours
Some travelers are very good at noticing Rocks.
That can be a wonderful gift.
It can also make it tempting to pick up every Rock you notice.
I Care
What happens here matters to me.
I Can Help
Maybe I can listen, share information, sit beside someone, or offer a hand.
But Is It Mine?
That is a different question.
“I see a Rock” does not automatically mean “This Rock belongs to me.”
Sit Beside, Don't Disappear
Helping Does Not Always Mean Carrying
You can sit beside someone.
You can listen.
You can share what you know.
You can ask questions.
You can help someone find words.
You can offer ideas.
You can even help them examine their Rock.
And still leave the Rock with the person whose landscape it belongs to.
“I can help you think about this.”
“I can show you what I know.”
“I can sit beside you while you work through it.”
“I cannot carry this for you.”
Helping and ownership are not the same thing.
Sometimes It Lives Between Us
Some Things Belong in the Space Between Two People
Not everything belongs entirely to one side of the fence.
A conversation may belong to both people.
An agreement may belong to both people.
A shared plan may belong to both people.
A misunderstanding may need information from both landscapes.
A relationship pattern may have grown between two people over time.
You may still have different responsibilities within that shared space.
Something can be shared without everything becoming mine.
Sometimes the Rock Is Bigger Than Two People
Some Rocks Belong to a System
A family may have a pattern.
A school may have a process.
A workplace may have unclear ownership.
A community may have rules or structures that affect everyone inside it.
You may notice the problem.
You may even have good ideas about it.
But noticing a system Rock does not automatically give you the authority, responsibility, or ability to fix the entire system.
“Who owns this?”
“Who can make this decision?”
“What part of this actually belongs to me?”
Leave an Empty Space on the Map
Some Things Belong to “I Don't Know Yet”
Why did they say that?
What were they thinking?
Will this relationship change?
Did they mean to hurt me?
What will happen if I keep this boundary?
Sometimes we simply do not know.
An empty place on the map can feel uncomfortable.
Our brains may want to fill it quickly with a story.
“I don't know yet” is allowed to remain on the map.
One More Look at Your Side
Make Sure You Are Still on Your Own Map
Understanding someone else's landscape can be a beautiful thing.
Caring about their needs can be a beautiful thing.
But while you are looking across the fence, remember:
You are a person in this landscape too.
What do I need?
What matters to me?
What can I actually carry?
What am I responsible for?
Have I accidentally removed myself from the list of people who matter here?
Empathy does not require you to disappear from your own landscape.
Chapter 3 Trail Marker
Sort the Landscape Before You Pick Up the Backpack
Some things are yours.
Some belong to another person.
Some are shared.
Some belong to a larger system.
And some still belong to:
“I have absolutely no idea yet.”
What actually belongs on my side of the fence?
You can care about the entire landscape without carrying the entire landscape.
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